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Q&A - Separation Anxiety
by: Pati, Wisconsin
 Q: We have had Alphie, our 3 year old male Maltese, for about 6 weeks. He is a wonderful dog EXCEPT.... He suffers from severe separation anxiety: barks constantly, my neighbors are complaining, scratching paint and the doorway molding off the door. We never leave him for longer than 3 hours, but recently found out that he was left in the basement at his last homem for 12 hours a day. while we are gone he The vet suggested anxiety medication, which also did not help. Obviously, this is the reason for the separation anxiety, any suggestions on how to help Alphie through to realize that this will not happen again?
A:
When I first connected with Alphie all he would say was, "I don't want them to go, I don't want them to go," displaying a severe case of separation anxiety. He was very upset and I could see that he was energetically out of balance. The trauma he suffered from the past is still with him and is causing him severe anxiety and stress in his daily life.
Alphie told me he was in a lot of emotional pain from his past which I helped him release through energy work. I explained to him that this is his forever home and he will live a long and happy life here with you, never returning to where he was before. The nightmare of his past is still very fresh and I had to keep reassuring him that everything was fine now.
He also told me that in the past, barking was the only way for him to get attention so he got in the habit of barking all the time. His strange behavior around other dogs is due to being confined and not properly socialized as a puppy. All of these behaviors are symptoms from his traumatized past and low self confidence.
Initally, Alphie was very reluctant to let go of his fearfulness and he will need constant reassurance from you that this is his forever home. "I don't know why they want me I am just a mess," he confessed to me and also indicated that he felt that you may not want him there. He told me that he was fearful that he would have to go back to that awful place. I explained to Alphie that he needs to modify his behavior and that I would give you, his mom, some tips and advice.
First and foremost, do not feel sorry for Alphie because of his unfortunate past. You must live in the moment with him and now he has a wonderful home with wonderful, caring people. Feeling sorry for Alphie will only keep him in the past, which is exactly where you don't want him to be. Next, think about what is going on in your mind during Alphie's most stressful moments. Anticipating his behavior or expecting him to act out with other dogs only adds to his nervous and anxious ways. Unknowingly, you may be giving him signals to do exactly what you don't want him to do. Animals can read our emotions and understand our thoughts. So if you are picturing him acting up or becoming anxious you may be sending him a message that it's okay for him to do that. It is also very important that you do not baby him or soothe him when he goes into a fearful, anxious or shrieking mode. Don't make the mistake of coddling him or saying things like, "It's okay, it's okay," and showing him affection at that moment. He will assume you like that behavior and he will continue to do it.
Teaching Alphie to stay calm in these situations is what he needs to learn how to be a well balanced part of the family. By avoiding taking Alphie on walks, you are missing opportunities to teach him how to behave properly. It is not possible to correct his behavior until he actually displays the unwanted behavior. Taking walks will not only be good for his overall well-being but it will give you the opportunity to work on modifying his behaviors.
I recommend setting up practice sessions with a friend, preferably someone who has a trusted and well balanced dog. Then take Alphie out on a walk and have the other dog walk past. Gently but firmly, Alphie needs to you correct the bad behavior using techniques such as Cesar Millan's style, by not allowing Alphie to shift into a higher level of anxiety. Teaching Alphie a command such as "Leave it" or "Quit" will give him direction and clear messages to follow. Alphie's extreme separation anxiety can be addressed once he understands the 'Leave it' command. Teach him to stay calm for longer and longer periods of time until he can be left without destroying the house.
It takes time and consistency and everyone in the family needs to participate. Most unwanted behaviors can be modified but you must be willing to change something you are doing to achieve these results. With regular walks, practice sessions and a lot of patience, Alphie will learn how to be a calm and well balanced part of the family.
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